“Help! My husband has ADHD!” these words were the cries of wives with husbands suffering from the said mental disorder. If the one you love has attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, living with them and raising a family is going to be challenging. But you love them, nonetheless, and falling for someone with ADHD does have its perks. They can be super intelligent, imaginative, and hilarious to be with. If you’re with someone with ADHD, life is going to be interesting, to say the least. If you are in the situation where you are dealing with an ADHD Diagnosed Spouse who has tendencies that you can’t take, then follow the advice provided by the wife of one of our patient. Throughout her 15-year married life with her ADHD-diagnosed husband, she has had her fair share of challenges, but she combatted it with some strategies that she managed to pick up along the way.
Here Are Three Of The Most Common Problems with Having An ADHD Diagnosed Spouse and How To Prevent Yourself From Going Crazy
He’s always late
My husband is always late for literally everything. We’ve been together for 15 years, and there wasn’t one instance that he was early for something. It’s either he arrives on time, or he’s late. I remember our first date. I was ready way before he called to pick me up, and still, he wasn’t on time. Not even close. Overall, he didn’t make a great first impression, but I keep giving him another chance because, in my heart, I knew he had something special, and I was right.
Solution: To compensate with him not arriving on time, I constantly lie. I tell him that the time we need to be somewhere is earlier than the actual time. For instance, If I tell him to meet the kids and me at the park at 5 P.M., I tell him to meet up at precisely 4:40. That way he gets there, thinking he’s late again, not knowing that he’s just on time.
He doesn’t listen to me
I tell him that I’m going to the mall to do some shopping, and ask him to call me if he wants anything. 45 minutes later, he texts me with “Where are you?,” as if I didn’t tell him where I was going a while ago. There’s absolutely no way that he didn’t hear me. I was guessing that he did hear me, but wasn’t paying attention. He was maybe focused on watching his game on TV. This has happened before, and it’s frustrating, to say the least. What’s worse is that he also doesn’t listen even when I tell him something important, like “picking our little boy from art class at 4.”
Solution: Before I tell him something, especially if it’s important, I touch his arm, shoulder, or even his face to get his attention. This disrupts his hyperfocus, bringing him back to reality. When he makes eye contact with me, that’s when I can be sure that he has 100% of his attention on me. I ask him what I just said, and make sure that he gets it right. Some men call it nagging and annoying, but what I call it is making sure things get done.
He is overly unorganized
When we were teenagers, I walked into his room for the very first time, and I was like “WOW.” It was the first time I ever saw a topsy-turvy of a room. It’s like a massive hurricane just went in and rampaged the place. Dirty clothes were on the floor, his football gear was on his bed, there were so many empty bags of chips lying on his study table, and his entire room was full of dust. I couldn’t stand thinking about him living in that garbage bin of a bedroom, so the next weekend I came over and helped him tidy up. We cleaned his room and organized everything. Years passed, we’re already married, and things are still the same – he still has problems organizing his things. It’s not that he’s trying to irritate me; he just can’t multitask and follow through with his chores and projects.
Solution: I break his big tasks into small ones. Big jobs can be overwhelming for people with ADHD, but once it’s broken down into smaller ones, it becomes doable. I also make lists for him to follow, and tell him that he should finish the tasks in order. If there’s something that he really couldn’t do, I do it for him. Take, for instance, matching socks. He’d rather throw all of his socks in the drawer, but I want them to be neatly placed, so I do it myself. It might seem as if I’m treating him like a child, but it works, and it’s the only way I could get him to organize his things.
You made a vow to love your husband and be with him for the rest of your life. Even if he can sometimes drive your crazy, but admit it, you’re crazier about him. Just remember that marriage has its fair share of problems, but with or without ADHD, love is all that matters.