Sophie Hailwood

ADHD Coach and Entrepreneur

Sophie Hailwood is an ADHD Coach and Entrepreneur at The ADHD Centre, bringing a powerful combination of lived experience, leadership expertise and neurodiversity insight to her coaching work. Diagnosed with ADHD in her mid-thirties, Sophie completely transformed her career — retraining and launching her own coaching practice after previously serving as Director of Operations and Inclusion at a major mental-health charity. Sophie specialises in supporting “late-diagnosed” adults, professionals and leaders to harness their strengths, understand dopamine-seeking behaviours, build effective habits and move beyond cycles of blame and “trying harder.” With qualifications ranging from Certified ADHD Coach (ICF accredited) to an MA in Creative Writing, Sophie approaches ADHD holistically and with a deep awareness of how intersecting identities can shape the neurodivergent experience.

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Suggested Interview Questions

Sophie, you were diagnosed with ADHD in your mid-thirties — can you walk us through how that diagnosis changed the way you see yourself and your brain?

Being diagnosed changed the way I see myself dramatically, and this was a very welcome and much needed change in perspective. I remember crying with relief and what I can only describe as absolution. I had spent such a long time wondering what was ‘wrong with me’ and why I couldn’t do the things that seemed so easy for other people. To be told there was a reason, that it had a name and that it could explain so many of the struggles I’d had since childhood helped to alleviate some of the guilt and shame I felt at that time of my life. I remember saying out loud to myself over and over again, ‘it’s not my fault.’ The way I see my brain changed later, when I started to have ADHD coaching and learnt more about my brain. So whilst diagnosis helped change my opinion of myself and led me to accessing coaching, it was coaching that enabled me to understand and respect my brain. We’re all familiar with the concept of ‘looking after ourselves’ which isn’t easy for those of us with ADHD. But looking after our brain needs to be a big part of that. Today I understand what my brain needs and how to look after it, and I am thankful for how it enables me to do many different things.

You’ve worked in senior leadership (Director of Operations & Inclusion) and now coach professionals and leaders — how does your leadership background influence your coaching approach with ADHD clients?

My senior leadership background plays a role in my coaching approach, especially when coaching leaders. There are unique challenges that leaders with ADHD face and understanding these is essential to building trust for effective coaching. I ensure I create a space where clients can ‘unmask’ which is particularly challenging for leaders and professionals. Good leaders will trust those around them to do what they need to do and give them the resources they need to do it. I trust my clients to set the agenda and I provide a space for them to be entirely themselves and be coached to achieve what they want. It’s my responsibility to ensure a client leaves their experience of coaching with me with a thorough understanding of how ADHD affects them and how to manage this. As with good leadership, it’s about empowerment.

Your website mentions “dopamine-seeking” as a key theme for your work. Could you explain what dopamine-seeking means in the context of ADHD and why it matters?

In simple terms, those of us with ADHD don’t make enough dopamine in our brains and will naturally seek it out, and engage in ‘dopamine-seeking.’ We can understand this as a sense of always trying to change the way we feel, or seeking additional stimulation. Understanding and proactively managing how we get dopamine is extremely important for living a more fulfilling and healthier life with ADHD. Dopamine-seeking massively impacts our habits and we may seek dopamine in unhelpful ways such as: excessive scrolling with phones, online shopping, snacking when we aren’t hungry, gambling, using alcohol or drugs, and fixating on new interests and hobbies to the detriment of work or family commitments. All of this contributes to the low self-esteem that is insidious with unmanaged ADHD.

Many people with late diagnosis say they feel “behind” or doomed to catch up. How do you work with clients to shift that narrative and focus on potential rather than deficit?

Shifting the narrative from deficit to strengths and opportunity is really important, especially with those who have been diagnosed later in life. I use a framework for identifying strengths and saboteurs that enables clients to really understand how both are playing out in their lives, and how strengths are often overused and become saboteurs. Learning what our strengths are and how to use them, as well as knowing how to manage our saboteurs set us up for our own version of success. The key thing I tell people when I start coaching them is that there is so much hope for change. Anyone who has been diagnosed later in life has survived everything that has happened in their life until now, without knowing why they were struggling, and with no way of treating it. That changes with diagnosis and effective treatment, which coaching is a huge part of.

Intersectionality and identity are important in your work. How do you see aspects like gender and culture intersect with neurodiversity and why is this so important for ADHD coaching?

Those intersections are very significant. I’ve coached people for whom cultural expectations really compound their sense of inadequacy. In cultures where academic achievement is highly valued this can be particularly difficult. Also, in certain cultures, communities are more close knit, and the impact of comparison with peers at the same stage of life who have achieved XYZ can be very difficult.
Gender is very significant – more women are being diagnosed later in life having been completely missed in childhood, and the impact of hormones on ADHD symptoms is staggering. There is a significant overlap between ADHD and PMDD for example.
That said, it’s really important when coaching anybody that we avoid assumptions. I’ve coached many men who have a very significant inner critic, and lots of white British women who feel pressure from families to be a certain way. The key is to ask. Intersectionality is really important for understanding disadvantage and privilege, and the experience of ADHD, but every human is unique, and every human with ADHD is unique, and it is for them to tell us how.

What are some of the most common saboteurs or hidden obstacles you encounter with your clients — and how do you help them overcome those?

The number one saboteur is their perception of themselves, and the inner critic that goes along with it. When a person with ADHD starts berating themselves for not finishing a task, or losing interest in something, or imagining that they know what other people think of them, it’s a slippery slope. Going down that rabbit hole means even less action which compounds the belief that we’re ‘lazy, flaky, messy etc.’ I get it because I have to manage it on a daily basis too; coaches aren’t gurus, and we have to walk the walk, not just talk the talk. I support clients to identify the negative thoughts they have about themselves and challenge them with a response that balances that out, and make a habit of saying nice things to themselves – there is a lot to unlearn. Some gentle education about ADHD as people progress through coaching is also really helpful with this. When you understand why you’re doing things a certain way, it takes a lot of the blame out of it.

When coaching professionals or aspiring leaders with ADHD, what are the top three issues you see in the workplace — and what strategies do you suggest?

Imposter syndrome
Rejection sensitivity
Burn out

All the work around positive self talk and self-esteem is really important for imposter syndrome and rejection sensitivity. Again, gentle education around rejection sensitivity can help someone understand that they are processing feedback in the way their brain works, which reassures them that they aren’t losing their mind, which is what it can feel like. Burn out can be a result of people pleasing and giving 130 percent on something when the motivation is there, for fear that the motivation will be lost, but this just makes us burnout. Learning to manage expectations, set boundaries on workload and celebrate your wins are very important for avoiding burn out.

Habit formation and task-initiation are frequently cited challenges in ADHD. In your view, what is one “ADHD-friendly” strategy that you believe really moves the needle?

If I had to choose one I’d say the timer! I don’t work for Apple, but I do highly recommend the Apple watch. I ask clients how long they think they could stand to do the task they don’t want to do, like review emails, or put clothes away for. Usually thats 10-20 minutes, and I make sure they are realistic – if you’re not sure about 20 go for ten. I direct them to set a timer for that amount of time and make a game of it – gamification is huge in proactively managing ADHD. Do the thing for ten minutes – by the time the timer goes off there will be flow, you might not love the task, but you will have got a dopamine hit from getting started. The game then becomes how many times can you complete the timer doing that task. I also do ‘beat the timer’ so try and do the task you’re avoiding in under a certain amount of time. I use this myself when I have to physically go in supermarkets and it makes it fun rather than enormously stressful (most of the time!)

Self-esteem and the “inner critic” are often part of the ADHD story. How do you support someone who’s stuck in cycles of self-blame, shame or relentless “trying harder”?

First of all, we need to identify the components of the ‘self-blame’ – I ask people to be specific, write them down, then challenge them. We need to shift the narrative, so for every statement there needs to be a counter statement. So, ‘I always give up on stuff’ could become ‘my brain likes new and exciting things, but if something is really important to me I’ll find a way to complete it.’ Key thing here is not to wait until the self-blame strikes to come back with a counter statement. We need to start the day with an intention, such as: how am I going to get healthy dopamine today, how am I going to be kind to myself today and how am I going to celebrate my wins today?
Celebrating wins is very important, writing them down on a board, in a diary, in an app, whatever suits, but it needs to happen.
Relentless trying harder is a big one, but with coaching we can hack why the approach isn’t working (usually because it doesn’t suit our brain) and then try something new and telling ourselves ‘ADHD lets me be creative and innovative’ or something specific to the frustration of trying harder.

Looking ahead: what is one change or shift you would like to see in how society and workplaces treat ADHD — and how are you contributing to that change?

I feel so sad and frustrated when I hear comments like ‘everyone has ADHD these days’ or ‘ADHD isn’t real.’ I have the tools to manage this but it really saddens and angers me and for people who are seeking a diagnosis or questioning whether they have ADHD this could hold them back from getting support they need and deserve. I think society and workplaces need to work that one out properly first. ADHD isn’t new, it’s always been there and there are many benefits to nourishing the talent of people with ADHD. I contribute to this change by delivering training about ADHD and supporting managers around how to effectively support staff with ADHD. In terms of coaching I support people I coach to accept and welcome ADHD. It’s a lot easier to believe unkind things strangers say if we’re already saying them to ourselves.

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Sophie Hailwood

Suggested Interview Questions

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Marylebone

Belgravia

Manchester Clinic

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Sophie Hailwood

Suggested Interview Questions

Main Information

Our Expertise

Our Centre Address

Marylebone

Belgravia

Manchester Clinic

Postal Address

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